Three cheers for Jackie Fullerton. We met up during the week and it’s a tonic to be in his company. A group of old friends from Ulster Television days and the craic was mighty, what memories we all have – good and not so good – but after all these years we have each other. Friendship is so vitally important and probably unlike many other organisations, all the past pupils of Havelock House studios have stuck together. Any excuse and we meet up, any problems we are there for each other. I think it’s important to keep in touch; on one occasion I was looking for a phone number in my contact book and I came on the name of a journalist I had worked with 40 years ago. I wondered whether or not he was still alive, hadn’t heard of him for all that time. I took a chance and to my delight he answered. We were both in tears, he hadn’t heard from any of his colleagues for ages and we were able to relive good times when life was exciting and fresh. Thanks to that encounter I now ring friends much more often just to say ‘hello how’s it going?’ It brings joy all round and we need joy in our lives at the moment. Don’t put off that phone call, don’t just use social media, ring and talk.
It’s a beautiful day where I am, blue sky and green grass and not a breath of air. But then you turn on the news and it’s frightening and heart breaking. The scale of the stadium disaster in Indonesia is unknown at the moment 170 dead but how many more.
Laura Kuenssberg quizzing Liz Truss who must now realise the general populations despises her mini budget – even the No.10 cat turns tail and runs from her – the Tory party conference will be interesting. Strictly Come Dancing progresses in its formulaic way, same shots, same comments from judges, same quips from hosts and questionable singers. But it’s colourful and the costumes are beautiful. Then there’s Putin to consider and be fearful as he hovers over his ‘red button’. And to top it all, Charles is happy with his image on new coins. I don’t think it’s very flattering but who am I! No crown because only women heads of state wear the crown on coins – now there’s equality for you.
GET WELL SOON
I read that Bob Mortimer has been taken ill and as he is my hero I send him good wishes for a speedy recovery. He is funny to the nth degree especially on Would I Lie To You but he’s more, to watch him and his mate Paul Whitehouse on Gone Fishing is just a joy, relaxed, wonderful scenery and great music – and the banter between the two is hilarious. I feel the same way about The Repair Shop nothing ugly or negative just friends doing their best work to please the customers.
Not like the despicable film Blond which is the talk of the town at the moment. Not an accurate depiction of Marlyn Munroe’s life, it is a sickening voyeuristic look at what director Andrew Dominik would like it to be. Ana de Armas plays Munroe so well yet she must have been embarrassed with the non-stop scenes of pornography. The rating is 17 years but what does that mean when it’s a Netflix film and anyone no matter age can turn it on. I didn’t turn it off as many viewers say they did, I wanted to see what everyone was talking about but it had no redeeming features.
The reviews are extremely damaging to the director but I doubt if he’ll worry about that, even the fact that I’m writing about it will ensure some of you will have a look. Have a sick bag beside you.
TRAWLING THE DEPTHS
“Remember me? We met at a conference in the Waterfront last year.” The answer was no, this woman did not remember him at all. He went on to chat about their common interests and left with her business card.
“And so it began,” she told me. I’ll call her Jill, like all the other women I talked to not her real name. “He phoned a couple of times and I suppose as a middle aged woman I was flattered but then the pressure started, what about coffee, what about lunch? He was charming and really just to get rid of him we had lunch one day. It was then the chat became personal, he knew I was single and lived on my own and he suggested I was just what he was looking for, just for companionship of course, but I knew that wasn’t true. Although I told him I didn’t want anything to do with his suggestion he didn’t stop, even sent flowers to the office and everyone thought it was very romantic but I was getting scared.”
It Shouldn’t Be Like This
I began asking other women if they experienced such pressure. For Heather it’s easy enough to cope with a ‘come on’ like this. “I just smile sweetly and tell them not to waste time that I’m a lesbian.” Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t but it means she can control these advances.
Joan too is a very decisive woman, I know her well and she’s happy in her own skin and in her own home. A divorcee of many years it didn’t take her long to suss out a man on the make. “I had one neighbour who decided he’d take me under his wing and insisted he would look after me! I don’t know if he watched for me coming out of the house or in the garden but suddenly he’d be there and I became angry with myself for checking if he was around before going out. I should have been able to tell him to leave me alone but for some reason I didn’t want to be rude.” At the time Joan worked for a charity which meant attending functions to accept cheques and publicise her organisation. “Usually it was perfectly all right, nice people and polite but on the occasions it could go wrong. Once it was arranged I’d go to a private house to collect a cheque after an event but I was concerned when he asked me in but there was no sign of his wife. Then he declared his love for me! Well, what do you do? Take the cheque and run? Almost, but I decided to treat it with humour so I swallowed my fear and laughed asking him had he been drinking and told him to wise up and act his age. It did the trick and I got away never to return. Since then I am careful to talk to wives rather than their husbands.”
Of all the single, widowed or divorced women I talked to over the last short while, every one had a story to tell. “Parties where a man will ask you to dance, too close and personal, breaking away is difficult but once you do, tell someone in your party, preferably a woman, that you aren’t happy with the situation and to please keep watch. Some men think, she’s on her own I’m in with a chance here.”
Being single is one thing but being widowed can cause hurt during a very emotional time. Ella lost her husband only six months ago. After the funeral she was taken aback when a male friend of the family took her aside, put his arm around her, gave her a squeeze and told her just to lean on him for support.
Her Alarm System Went Into Overdrive.
Thankfully her daughter arrived before the conversation got any more personal. “I was very uncomfortable and a bit afraid, I just knew he was wanting me to allow him into my life and I wasn’t having that. Now I dread meeting him with his wife, what sort of man is he that can chat up a grieving woman when his wife is sitting at home. I’ve arranged with my daughter and the lady in the next house that I can phone if I see him at the door and they’ll come round.”
“My most embarrassing moment came after my husband died and I was out for a walk with the dog when I came up to a neighbour who was out cutting his hedge.” Aoife knew the couple quite well so stopped for a chat. “Within a few minutes his wife was out, ignored me and demanded him to come into the house. I would love her to know that at 78 I am not looking for a man and anyway I wouldn’t fancy her’s in a million years!”
And what about men on their own. Next week some of their experiences and a chat with Women’s Aid on how best to handle the difficult situations when you’re an older woman being pressurised.
HE MADE IT
Man On A Mission
In August I introduced you to Paul Dawson who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when he was 25 years of age. Although now living life in a wheelchair, he doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘can’t’.
He’ll tackle anything including the 2000 foot cliffs of Slieve League Donegal. His chair took part of the way then the Donegal Mountain Rescue team pulled him in a cradle over the heather and the rock to the summit. Why?
“I wanted to see the view and to prove that just because I’m in a wheelchair and have a disability will not stop me,” And thanks to terms of Irish and Ukrainian men and women, it didn’t and the view was fantastic, a memorable day for a memorable man.
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