SUNDAY BLOG: RAINING IN SO MANY HEARTS

It rained very gently over Belfast most of this week. Standing in the back garden as Noah was laid to rest, the only sound was drops on leaves and you just felt someone up there was crying with all the people of North Belfast who had become so intimately involved in the death of young Noah and the thousands around the island of Ireland and beyond.

It’s a time when I’d like to remind the public that reporters, photographers and film crews have a rough time covering such stories. All through the Troubles they suffered facing appalling events so often seeing sights that could not be transmitted on television or published in newspapers because they were too traumatic. When you read or see a report how often do you consider the byline, many belonging these days to young men and women at the beginning of their career. We talk of hardened reporters of many years standing. Is there such a thing?

In the 1970s I recall an oldish photographer called Eddie Dineen, he was from England, worked for the Mirror I think, and he was gruff and I was scared of him! He didn’t suffer fools gladly and spoke out when something didn’t suit him but he was a brilliant man with a camera. One day at a news reception he was sitting apart from the crowd, head down and the soft light from a window behind caught the smoke from his cigarette curling round him. It was a picture in itself. But there seemed to be something wrong and, holding my breath, I went over and asked him was he all right and could I get him a cup of tea. I called him Mr. Dineen out of respect. He looked up and he’d been crying. He thanked me and said he’d love a cup of tea. When I brought it to him he indicated the seat beside him and I sat down – and he told me what he’d been doing that morning. I though about this last week when Noah’s body was found. Eddie had been photographing the sadness of a young boy who had drowned in a river somewhere in Belfast, he was watching the search when the boy was found and being a news photographer he automatically took pictures. None were used as it happened but the dreadful sadness had stripped away the veneer that these men and women have to hide behind to do their job. I know that when they are on their own it gets too much to bear and the tears come. I was never frightened of Eddie after that, he was brave enough to show his compassion.

Noah’s death and his mother’s grief has affected us all. A lovely boy and a devoted mum, a boy picking out the cords of It’s A Wonderful World on his guitar for his mum on Mother’s Day. The way he looks up into the camera smiling shyly, proud and hopeful that it pleases. And it did.

The terrible thing is that in the face of this story of an innocent young man loved by all yet still the insane squabbling goes on at Stormont jeopardising the lives of so many other young people. They should be ashamed.

I notice that still very few people are sporting face masks so what is the advice.? Department of Health send me this message: 

“It’s recommended that members of the public consider the use of face coverings for short periods in enclosed spaces, where social distancing is not possible. Any change in policy will be considered in the context of COVID-19 epidemiology in Northern Ireland and in line with requirements for rebuilding of our health and social care services.”

Better be safe than sorry.  Learn to smile with your eyes!

Your Sins Will Find You Out

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I’ve been asked my opinion about the rights and wrongs of lying and how to handle telling ‘porkies’ especially when it came to children.  

I once had a tooth cleaning incident.  I was constantly reminding my daughter, then eight years old, to clean her teeth in the morning which usually resulted in a mad dash to the bathroom before storming out the door to school.   I suspected she was just paying lip service, dashing upstairs turning on the top step and dashing down again and away.   So I laid a trap.  I put toothpaste on the brush. When I asked her if she’d cleaned her teeth she said:  “Yes mummy,” with an innocent grin and about to rush off.   “Just wait one minute – upstairs,” Sure enough just as I suspect there was the brush with the toothpaste still on it.  There followed a tense conversation about lying in your teeth so to speak.  The moral being, if you insist in telling lies be sure you’re not found out.

Oppsadaisy.  Last sentence not good and not moral at all!  

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Like most children I was brought up not to lie which has left me caught out on occasions when challenged about something and I give the game away by telling the truth and suffer the consequence.  I hasten to add that my lies are usually white and mostly exaggeration. This poses the question, is it wrong to embroider the truth?

A recent study of 194 people in America, discovered that 62.7% of those who believed they were “good liars” were men compared to 27.3% female. 

We’ve terrible examples in public life at the moment – Boris Johnston for one, his lies have swayed millions into backing him over Brexit and now his dithering about Covid 19.    Trump is worse again yet they get away with it – at least for the moment.  Getting their comeuppance in heaven isn’t enough for me, I want them shamed now.

Although lying is basically wrong it’s also risky because somewhere along the line the truth will out so, rather than punishing children when they tell fibs, I think it’s best to talk to them about cheating when they are young,  I also think grandparents have a part to play, they have time and wisdom and probably examples in their own lives of how important honesty is and how they expect it from their children and their grandchildren. 

I remember stealing my cousin’s beautiful large coloured papier mâché egg.  I loved it more than she did, or so I thought, so I took it and hid it in my bedroom.  Next day when the disappearance was uncovered lots of questions were asked.  Had I seen it?  Wide eyed I professed “NO.”  I was roped into searching  for it.  “I can’t find it,” I reported.   Later that day my mother, who suspected all along, came to my bedroom where I was sitting wondering what I should do because it was far too late to admit my misdemeanour.  She simply asked me: “Where is it?”  I handed it over with some relief, I was told to apologise to my cousin, a shaming experience at eight years of age but  I’d learned my lesson and needed no punishment.  

Is A White Lie A Bad Lie?  

In the late 40s a group of people got together and determined they would not tell lies under any circumstance.  They didn’t last because you can’t go through life being totally honest, you would hurt too many people but is manipulating the truth an ok thing?  

Ever tried to get a last minute passport or renewing an existing one?  Here’s what someone I know did, went cap in hand to the passport office pleading his old aunt is dying in New York,  he was so convincing that a renewed passport was ready in a matter of hours.  Bending the rules?  Or using the head?

Where do you stand with this one?  

Question.  Sophie Bagley is a woman living in England and she likes shooting pheasant near her Yorkshire home, up to 300 a week apparently.  “I’ve a number of friends who won’t eat pheasant when I serve it at a dinner party,” she reported somewhat grandly,  “so I put it in lasagnes and cottage pies  and they love them.  I don’t tell them what they are eating!”  It’s not so much the shooting of the birds, which is bad enough,  it’s lying to your friends who, for whatever reason, don’t want to eat these beautiful birds.  I think that’s underhand and unpleasant.

So lying comes in all shapes and forms.  Recent speculation over Phillip Schofield’s love life must be difficult for him.  Presumably he was living a lie for years before letting it be known earlier this year that he is gay.  So what?  Obviously his wife knew and his daughters and they are calm and accepting so there was no need for banner headlines.  I don’t think he’s ‘brave’ as the media kept telling us but I do imagine he’s relieved.  Bang goes my theory that he and Holly Willoughby are more than mates now the truth is in the open, the two can go off on holiday with their families and have a brilliant time and there’s no gossip in the red tops!