I loved my granny, my source of wisdom, my inspiration, a brave woman who sailed on her own to America 90 years ago, twice widowed and mother to four wonderful children. When I knelt beside her bed as she was dying she suddenly opened her dear eyes and smiled at me. Over 60 years I have cherished that sweet smile. She was vital to my growing up yet Edith Mary smacked me – just once and I was stunned. I reckon I was four or five, young enough to have her supervise me in the big primrose coloured bath. I know I was giving her cheek, being ‘kileary’ she’d say, splashing water everywhere, hard to manage, out of control, so when I rolled over she smacked my bottom. Not hard, quick and relatively painless yet the scene is frozen on my mind. My thought was what did I do to deserve this? But in all honestly I knew. The experts would probably say as it has stayed in my mind that I was traumatised, that my granny lost her temper and was cruel. Not a bit of it. I was gobsmacked quite literally! I said sorry, I calmed down, she splashed me with water and we both laughed. That’s one way to chastise a child who was out of control in a bath full if water. I carried that lesson to my own parenting, after all you only learn from those who have gone before, there are no exams for achieving perfect parenthood.
I Know I’ll Be Criticised
So it’s important to point out that I am against any form of violence, I write about and abhor domestic abuse and cruelty to anyone, especially children.
Violence breeds violence and can be handed down from generation to generation if we’re not careful. I wish there had been a law when I was at school when the art master would throw the wooden blackboard duster at pupils and I won’t forget in a hurry the day he brought a heavy book down on top of my head, no child deserves that. These days he would be brought up in court and rightly so. I wonder what his punishment would be have been? There’s a line in Gilbert and Sullivan’s Mikado – ‘let the punishment fit the crime’, if we could sort that out there might be more respect . I know of one young man whose father had a novel way of drawing attention to a misdemeanour. He would send his child out to select a sally rod from the tree and bring it home to be chastised. Each time he’d reject the rod and send them back for another one. Each time they were sent back, each time dreading the punishment but at the end of the day that didn’t happen, they were exhausted and had learned their lesson and corporal punishment didn’t happen.
In Charles Dicken’s Oliver Twist Mr. Bumble was heard to say ‘the law is an ass’. Never a truer word spoken in jest, at least in some areas of the law.
I’ve spoken to some who blame the lack of smacking on the ill discipline and disrespect of many young people today. My children tell me they don’t remember being smacked but on rare occasions they were. If I felt the need for the back of my hand on the leg, I always explained why and gave a hug, nothing personal just a warning to wise up, calm down and stay out of danger.
In The News
Smacking has been a hot topic lately and rightly so. It should be realised that smacking is not and should never be confused with hitting or beating. Talking about this with friends, experience varies. One woman related how her mother would ‘whack’ her, grab her arm and send her to sit in her bedroom. A man recounted how his mother had a cane and she ‘thrashed’ him when he displeased her. “One day I got up enough courage to snatch it from her and break it in two. She cried.” Because she was ashamed? ‘No, because I spoiled her sense of power.” At one time a punishment in the Isle of Man was a ‘birching’ , they said it was effective but it must have been brutal. It consisted of four or five long and fairly stout hazel branches bound tightly together at one end and 12 whacks was the standard applied to a young man’s bottom for petty crimes. No longer a punishment today.
There are calls for smacking to be banned in England and Northern Ireland as it is in Scotland and Wales ‘except where this amounts to reasonable punishment and depends on the circumstances’. How long is a piece of string but it’s also my thinking, it’s a reminder to behave as long as it never damages a child mentally, emotionally or physically.
Basically I’d rather a child get a short sharp smack and explained why rather than being made to sit on the naughty step or forbidden play time with friends or be threatened with “wait till your father gets home.”
I learned a lesson from my son when he was six, whatever he’d done was a bad mistake and I explained why it was a wrong thing to do. When I went to check at bedtime he was still awake. I asked him why he couldn’t sleep? He said he was sorry for upsetting me adding, “Will you smack me and hug me and it will be over”. Needless to say he only got the hug and was asleep before I left the bedroom. On the occasion I smacked my daughter, she had a different approach, she smacked me right back – another lesson learned, I was at the receiving end and I didn’t like it. As a result I vowed never to smack either of them again.
ROCK ON
The Grand National yesterday was a lot calmer than in the past thanks to the newly constructed jumps but seeing that leading horse tumble on its head and neck was terrible, however, thankfully it got up and was taken off to be checked out. On the other hand seeing Willie McMullen break down after his son won the race and the tears flowing was very endearing and in future if I’m placing a bet it will always be a McMullen horse.
WONDERFUL DAY
RTE photo.
I’ve just watched Friday night’s Late Late show. Isn’t Patrick Kielty just the bees knees. He’s always been my favourite since the night we waved him off at the airport en route for London and a possible job. The ‘celebrity’ choir were singing for some charity so he had a rousing farewell and look what happened next. He’s respectful to his audience, immaculately dressed, draws out his interviewees and the audience love him. Be it Friday night on RTE or Saturday morning on 5 Live he’s a powerful broadcaster.
Despite the awful world news, today we have the opportunity to look out at the sun or get out into the sun, remember nothing lasts for ever. Enjoy the positive, celebrate all that is good.