The shock wave continues to ripple out from the little village of Cresslough. Almost 400 souls having to come to terms with the tragedy of Friday afternoon when part of their village was ripped to shreds and ten precious lives were lost, men, women and little children. This township is welcoming and kind, for me it was the stopping off place on the way to Dunfanaghy to visit my dear friend Harriet. With her family I climbed Muckish and attended the distinctive white walled chapel. Once I got to Creeslough I knew `I was almost at my destination so there was an excitement that hastened my step. Now that road is full of sorrow and today will see hundreds upon hundreds of people gather to show support and to mourn the dead. You can’t help asking ‘why?’ There are no answers I can think of, there are no words. Prayers are important and answers imperative. If you don’t believe in prayer just sit for a minute and send thoughts to those in despair. With deepest sympathies to the people of this little village in Donegal.
WOMEN’S AID AND HELP FOR MEN
Last week I talked about pressures some women face when they live on their own, by choice, by divorce or widowhood. More examples have come to me and it’s a worrying scene. One lady was stalked by a man in her own neighbourhood, always watching, popping up outside her place of work, even banging on her front door. This harassment resulted in a court case and a restraining order. Thankfully these brave women who report abuse now have the protection of law when it comes to coercion and Justice Minister Naomi Long has launched a campaign to raise awareness of the new stalking offence which was introduced through the Protection from Stalking Act (Northern Ireland) 2022 and the police service is also taking note.
Advice is to contact PSNI on 101 if you are experiencing any frightening situation or in an emergency dial 999.
Men too experience subtle abuse although In smaller numbers. “I’m divorced but the advances from women are non-stop.”
Francis Is Handsome.
He’s in his forties and has a good job. “I’m constantly viewed as a spare man using me to pair up with women. Friends seem set on finding a replacement women for me and the pressure is terrible, now I avoid contact and I feel isolated.” Another case is the woman who sees a widower on his own in a house and with a bank account, “Rich pickings.”
Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person and it includes physical, psychological, elderly, financial, verbal, spiritual and emotional abuse. Also rape and sexual assault.
A recent report found that, specifically with women, constant criticism, mocking, scolding, controlling behaviour can build to serious domestic violence even murder. I talked to Noelle at Women’s Aid, an organisation that deals solely with women. We discussed abuse where there are no visible telltale marks on the body but certainly on the mind.
“Walking the tightrope of trying to avoid a situation where emotional or verbal abuse can happen. Walking on egg shells trying to keep the peace takes its toll. A day without being shouted at is a good day.”
Sometimes older women suffer all their lives with domestic violence of some kind and often it’s not recognised by the family.
Undermining confidence, being told you are wrong, your’ve let the family down, depriving of affection, having to beg for money, not allowed to make your own decisions. Little things like leaving a light on, not tidying up to his satisfaction, not being home at the time you said, belittling in front of friends and criticising at home then yes, it causes mental isolation, fearful to say or do the wrong thing.
Help Is At Hand
One woman of 85 was strong enough to leave her home and husband and moved to a Women’s Aid refuge where she felt safe and understood. But not from her older children who challenged her. What are you doing here, you’ve put up with dad for years, why start upsetting the family now?
The burden of old age weighs heavy on some women and men. One or other has a stroke, becomes demanding, being dependent on another person can be frustrating and anger builds up and lashes out. Again some children aren’t free or willing to lend a hand and the situation results on dreadful mental health pressures on the carer.
There are so many examples as Noelle explained. A husband dies and the son takes over, moves into the house, organises the finances and becomes the dominant member of the family; if he is kindly and concerned that’s a great solution to the widow who remains at home and is minded. But if he is not kindly and concerned she can feel like a prisoner, a lodger with no say in what’s going on and often no money and no personal time for herself. She becomes isolated and sadly it’s often the case that she isn’t prepared to talk about it to anyone, she feels there is shame if she does. Her future is in jeopardy.
Women’s Aid is available for all women suffering all types of domestic abuse. At one of eight local groups there is support and understanding, legal advice and help with housing where necessary, feeling safe in a Fold for instance, perhaps for the first time in many years.
“You can’t buy contentment. Abusers target nice women who won’t be bolshy or stand up for themselves. They are usually weak men who show their controlling side in their own home.” The advice is to get out as soon as you realise you can’t change a relationship which is getting dangerous. That means being brave, especially when you’re taking children with you. “Leaving your life behind you, all your history, packing what you can in a carrier bag.” Noelle adds that we have moved on as a society, domestic violence isn’t a joke anymore, it’s not get drunk on Friday, abuse on Saturday and make up on Sunday. Trained staff in turn train teachers to look out for children who may not have their homework done or have no uniforms, these are not priority in a home with secrets.
“Survival is one day at a time and we are here to help.”
24/7 Domestic and Sexual Violence confidential free helpline open to men and women. 0808 802 1414
Women’s Aid is a voluntary organisation with 47 years experience and
local groups – Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.
Antrim, Ballymena, Carrickfergus, Larne & Newtownabbey Women’s Aid. 028 2563 2136
Armagh Down Women’s Aid. 028 3025 0765
Belfast & Lisburn Women’s Aid. 028 9066 6049
Causeway and Mid Ulster Women’s Aid – Mid Ulster Office 028 8676 9300
Causeway and Mid Ulster Women’s Aid – Causeway Office 028 7035 6573
Fermanagh Women’s Aid. 028 6632 8898
Foyle Women’s Aid. 028 7141 6800
North Down & Ards Women’s Aid. 028 9127 3196
Omagh Women’s Aid. 028 8224 1414
Going to be brief this morning – I’m nursing the sick. Alan has a bad case of covid (doesn’t deserve a capital letter) so it’s all go.
Two shows remain today at the Grand Opera House and I recommend you make a call to box office – Details at www.goh.co.uk Box Office (028) 9024 1919. Matinee performances Sunday 1 p.m. (you’d better hurry!) and 5 p.m. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is just that – amazing.
Just when you need him most he’s there in front of your very eyes, handsome and strong, wonderful voice and great dress sense. And he brings along his eleven brothers, some dancers and a group of talented children and there you have it. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. And one other person graces the stage at the Grand Opera House, the brilliant Alexandra Burke who takes on a variety of roles but mainly the narrator of this famous musical by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber. A rip roaring production heavy on laughs, a very modern version of the original.
All the songs are there Any Dream Will do, Go Go Go Joseph, Close Every Door and the rest. This production is huge and the staging breathtaking, a lot of money has been invested, a cast of over 25 fill the stage, Jospeh (Jac Yarrow) is immediately likeable, the sets are truly magnificent especially Pharaoh’s court when this Elvis look alike (Bobby Windebank) is carried in shoulder high by hefty slaves with golden girls dancing attendance. Flaming torches, fantastic statues join in his telling the story of his dreams and two camels bring a ripple of applause, well deserved! Children and adults were mesmerised. Worth getting your glad rags on and heading to Egypt.
