The death of Chris Barber has rocked the jazz world. He was 90 and suffering dementia but still he was part of my growing up, so important and wonderful. Dressing up in stilettos and dirndl skirt and heading to Saturday night dances where local musicians played Barber till midnight. Then the joy of hearing the man and his band at Queen’s Festival, in Queen’s Hall Holywood and most recently the Waterfront Hall. Thanks for the memories Chris, you and Ottilie made life very exciting. Full obituary in the Irish News next Saturday.
So, tonight’s the night. Megan and Harry will spill the beans and we’ll hear it all tomorrow on ITV. No matter what you think of the situation and of Megan’s take on life, I bet you’ll be watching the repeat tomorrow on ITV. Already with only a couple of promos being aired she’s being taken apart in the press – her black kohl eyeliner is said to be in honour of Princess Diana and her makeup for the 1995 Panorama interview! Diana looked awful I thought, at least Megan looks lovely. And what’s wrong with her black silk Armani dress? It features a lotus flower which represents rebirth and enlightenment – another subtle message to the palace apparently. I’m not a fan of Megan, I think she has brought a lot of criticism on herself, she has retained a high profile despite saying she wants privacy, I’ve no doubt she’s been roughed up by ‘the firm’ and their cohorts but a dignified response would have been better if she wants to retain public approval. We’ll see what she says, there will be a few squibs in there and a couple of rockets I suspect but the palace will have their own firework display in reply. All this and an ailing Prince Philip and an elderly Queen, no matter their dignity, it must hurt. Isn’t it easy to blame the press for everything – she was welcomed when she came to public attention, everyone loved her but there has been a subtle wind of change which ruffled feathers and the result is a very unpleasant stand-off.
How different was the response of actress Nicola Coughlan when nasty podcaster Amanda Richards criticised her dress at the award ceremony last week. Her spectacular yellow dress was a statement and the black cardigan a fashion note but to call Nicola ‘the fat girl from Bridgerton’ is beyond cruel, in both Bridgerton and in Derry Girls she has shown what a terrific actress she is and how beautiful. Her response to this rudeness is classic – “I have a name.”
Great news and so well deserved.Yachting Monthly has launched a new journalism award in memory of Brian and Lesley Black, which aims to recognise the best writing about issues affecting the marine environment, as explored by sailing boat. More details at www.yachtingmonthly.co.uk
Colleague Brian Black was as passionate about the marine environment as he was eloquent in his writing and filmmaking about the crises facing fragile Arctic ecosystems many of his documentaries were for Ulster Television but his skills and bravery travelled much further. He had his own production company and sold his work around the world. He also contributed to Yachting Monthly and they have now honoured him and his wife Lesley. Lesley was also a sailor and author in her own right, she was Northern Ireland’s first female yacht club commodore. Sadly Brian died in a terrible accident when his car slipped into the Lough at Strangford as he was preparing to go on one of his sailing trips. Lesley died only a year or so before her husband.
FRUSTRATION AND DESPAIR
Last week I was talking about domestic violence, how little things mount up, irritation becomes an ever growing anger and the results are a fearful catalogue of abuse.
In these days of limited freedom, Women’s Aid have restructured one particular service which is now known as the Outreach Service. Many of the services which existed before lockdown such as group sessions and where women could drop in to the main office and get free and confidential legal, benefits & housing advice, are on hold due to Covid. However, the Outreach team are still providing support via Zoom, FaceTime, over the phone, and when permitted in coffee shops, parks, even side by side in car parks!
You can find more about the community support at https://belfastwomensaid.org.uk/get-help/support-in-the-community/
And what about men?
Of course men too can be victims of abuse at the hands of women. Take Tom for instance. not his real name because there’s a stigma attached to this subject. Unlike women who usually have a best friend to confide in or a mother who watches for anything suspicious within their family, men are more often loath to speak about a woman abusing them. “We’re expected to be in control. I’ve been asked, how can you let your wife beat you up? It’s not that simple. When I married my wife she was the most loving and funny girl. We were very happy and after two children we were a close knit family and everything was great. Then she got pregnant again and everything changed, she changed, she started drinking and was a different person. I’m talking over 20 years ago and to this day I don’t know why. She became violent, had to have a drink before going out, everything revolved round alcohol, she’d just lie on the sofa in a drunken state and I had to get the children up and out in the morning, try to keep working, altering my shift to suit home life, the kids were old enough to help but it was harrowing for them to see their mother in this state. Frightening too when she took the poker to me, she’d fling heavy ashtrays at me, everything became a weapon especially her nails. My own family were supportive and took the children as often as possible however when she was sectioned for two weeks those two weeks were so happy, there was peace and we were able enjoy ourselves, go out or just stay in the house and relax.”
Over the years Tom’s wife was sectioned a number of times, even jailed but no amount of help or counselling made any difference, as he says, she became a totally different person who cared nothing for family, only for alcohol which she always managed to get her hands on.
“She would stimulate a massive row and the police were constantly at our house, at one time they arrested me they wouldn’t believe my wife was the perpetrator but it wasn’t long before they realised what was going on, even when they were in the house she flew at me and threatened to burn the house down.”
Eventually Tom lost his job and his mental health was seriously effected. By then two of the children were grown up the other one lived with his granny. He missed the woman he’s married and lived in hope that one day he could bring his family together.
One night he gave up.
“On that particular night I was so distressed and reeling from a major row I found myself standing at the end of a pier ready to jump into the freezing cold sea, I didn’t care about my children I just wanted out of it. I was at rock bottom, there was no one to talk to, no comfort anywhere. I don’t know why or what took over as I stood there, I think I didn’t even have enough confidence to die.
“Someone had given me details of Al-Anon a support group for people who are concerned about someone whose life relies on alcohol. For some reason I kept the piece of paper in my wallet.
Thank God I did.
On an impulse I rang the number and soon left the bitter cold pier and was heading to a meeting.” It’s obviously still a very emotional memory. “It was difficult walking in, I was the only man but one of the ladies immediately came over to me and brought me into the circle of warmth, calm voices, people talking about their experiences and they were the same as mine. I just cried, I was broken, I was drained yet I’d suddenly found hope.”
Tom is now living on his own with his adult children coming and going and it’s a happy household. “Without the ongoing help of Al-Anon I don’t think I would have survived. I don’t know anything about my wife, it may seem harsh but I believe she is content in her pain and her alcohol addiction.”
Al-Anon Information Centre NI at Helpline 028 9068 2368 or look up Al-Anon Northern Ireland web page for more details.
Three cheers for Dolly Parton loved by young and old. She was the most effective cheer leader of all when it comes to getting the injection when she appeared on worldwide television chatting and singing as she got her own injection. It’s a great pity news footage shows a close up of the injection as the vaccine shoots into the arm, no wonder people have a phobia about needles. Dolly managed to make light of it at the same time as emphasising the importance of it in the fight against covid 19 – I won’t grace it with a capital letter. Tomorrow is International Day for Women throughout the world and Dolly Parton most certainly in my book heads the list of influential women. And I admire her for her shoes – if only!
I am really fuming.
“Bloodlands does for the Ulster tourism industry what disaster movie The Poseidon Adventure did for cruise ships.” So says Christopher Stevens in his Daily Mail TV review following the first episode of this four part thriller. “The plot doesn’t make a lot of sense, though it rattles along so briskly that we don’t have to worry too much. Bloodlands won’t be the most memorable serial of the year .. but the Northern Ireland Tourist Board will be quite glad about that.” He also says that producer Jed Mercurio is “really going out of his way to make sure no one who sees Bloodlands will ever want to visit the Six Counties.” Cheap shots there Christopher you must have been having a bad day when you reviewed this show. For what it’s worth, I thought it was great and what a twist last Sunday. I jumped a mile. Roll on tonight – who is Goliath? Is it star Nesbitt himself? Stevens is non too complimentary about James Nesbitt and his acting but then I think the journalist has something again us here. Someone must have eaten all his sweeties.
