SLEEZE AND SCANDAL
I’ve been hooked on the Alex Salmond saga at the Scottish Parliament in Edinburgh as viewed last Friday. I can’t say I understood all of what was said – the jargon is foreign but the performances are not. Himself went from being decisive and forensic to pathetic, he had to take a break because he has a chest infection but there was no coughing, no wheezing perhaps he just wanted to regroup his thoughts and who can blame him, he’s in the midst of a serious contest, either he’s right or Nicola Sturgeon is right, there’s certainly something fishy in the noble halls of Holyrood. The star performers are the members of a committee of MSPs set up to look into what lay behind the Scottish government’s mishandling of an internal inquiry into harassment complaints against Mr Salmond by two female civil servants.
Following a judicial review, the court action that Alex Salmond took in 2018/19 to challenge the legality of the Scottish government’s investigation of harassment complaints against him, he won and the taxpayer picked up a legal bill of more than £600,000 and he didn’t do too badly either. As for the ministerial code which Alex Salmond claims Nicola Sturgeon breached in a number of ways including allegedly misleading parliament about when she learned of complaints against him and failing to stop her government prolonging an expensive judicial review challenge despite legal advice it was doomed to fail. Crucially the code dictates that a minister in breach of it should offer their resignation. Nicola herself will counter these claims next week – interesting. Which one is not telling the truth! The play that shall not be named out loud comes to mind.
Nearer home there was the joyous win for Jordan Brown in the Welsh open snooker final against six time world champion Ronnie O’Sullivan. It was a wonderful and exciting ‘journey’ through the weeks to arrive a calm and concise winner. £70.000 and a glittering cut glass trophy. Well done Jordan looking forward to great things in the future and congratulations to friend Lynn Davidson on your sporting nephew. While we’re at it, hooray for Ireland yesterday and their win against Italy. Better late than never.
Can you believe the audacity of our NI department of education telling teachers to avoid certain phrases like ‘catch up’, ‘missed work’ and ‘lost time’. These may increase anxiety they say so advice is instead have ‘recovery conversations’ about their experiences. Might they be ‘minded’ to take a leaf out of their own book? I hope teachers get together and send some advice on constructive language to the inmates of the big white house on the hill.
THE TERRIBLE RESULTS OF LOCK DOWN
The latest statistics are horrifying. If you are a woman, or a man, enjoying a stable family existence it’s hard to put yourself in the place of one of these ‘statistics’. Numbers are all very well but each one represents a woman or a girl, a man or boy going through the agony of being abused sexually, emotionally or physically in a place where they should feel safe and secure – their home.
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The police here respond to a domestic abuse incident every 17 minutes and such abuse represents 17.5% of all crime in Northern Ireland.
Since lockdown began five women have been murdered by a male partner or relative so it’s cause for concern when you hear a man laughingly complain about his wife, adding: ‘I’ll swing for her someday.’
Not funny.
Lockdown has exacerbated tensions within homes up and down the country where stress has a habit of making you say and do things in the heat of the moment, things you can’t take back. Talking to some women about negative experiences with a partner during lockdown it’s clear there is a lot of unexpected distress. “I couldn’t believe it when my husband began monitoring the dishwasher! I’d load it as usual then he’d come along and rearrange the plates, I thought it funny at first but then it became a real argument when he told me I was doing it all wrong – for goodness sake the plates came out clean at the end so what’s the problem? He told me I’m not competent to fill the dishwasher in the correct order.” The couple were unable to sort it out and it got to the point where tensions rose to such an extent that she left it to her husband to do it himself, apparently this didn’t please him either.
Resentment Has Built Up
Harsh words were spoken and now there is a dangerous rift. For another woman the irritant lies in the toilet. “I like to get the housework done early and leave the place looking nice but I get very annoyed when my husband thinks he’s in a man’s loo and leaves the toilet seat up rather than putting the lid down in it’s place. That might sound petty to you but it really annoys me. I’ve asked him and asked him but he just gets angry and tells me to ‘get real’ whatever that means.” These may seem no more than irritants but like a constant drip the lack of understanding begins to wear people down, men or women.
Other pressures on a woman who is used to running her own life at home while her man is out being the hunter gatherer, is accounting for her movements, ‘where are you going, what time will you be back, who are you meeting?’; asking who was on the phone as if it’s an another man when it’s only a girl friend. On the other hand a woman can get suspicious when the man receives calls on his mobile and leaves the room to talk privately when in fact it’s a work related matter. Communication breakdown.
It’s difficult for the person who is unexpectedly working from home, being furloughed or paid off, and that applies to men and women although I suppose more often than not it’s the man. “My man is used to having a junior to do things for him so he orders me to make cups of tea, make appointments, be available when he says so. Now he takes my car without asking and worse still, he uses the only laptop we have in the house and basically this is my laptop and I have no privacy any more. I’ve nothing to hide so why do I get so upset because my upset gets him riled up? Even when he shouts ‘who left the light on?’ I feel trapped. He’s never violent but there are other ways to make me feel fearful.”
This is not a diatribe against men, lockdown is obviously extremely stressful for anyone who is suddenly housebound because of the pandemic, the future is very worrying , it’s impossible to second guess employment or a social life. The next set of figures will probably make hard reading, already in one part of England in the last financial year there’s been an increase of over 41% when it comes to domestic abuse.
“This lockdown brings out the worst in you and you’ve to be very careful and walk away from a situation that could trigger a row.” That’s good advice but only if it’s possible, when there are children involved that’s not always easy although I know there are those under threat who have a bags packed and hidden in the garage ready for an emergency exit.
The Demon Booze
Many domestic abuse situations involve alcohol. Here the advice is safety first. Protect yourself and your children by reaching out for help, a lot of the abuse revolves round manipulation, cutting you off from friends and family so be brave enough to talk to someone you trust and get their support and immediate help, have details of Al-Anon (a group for families and friends of problem drinkers) somewhere safe or ring the family group in Belfast 028 9068 2368 for advice. The phone number for Women’s Aid is 028 9066 6049, find area groups at https://www.womensaidni.org/get-help/local-groups/ and there’s a web site chat-line which is an option for those who’s partner is at home and a phone call or an e-mail isn’t wise or secure, http://www.belfastwomensaid.org.uk will bring you to this service. Nexus NI run a domestic and sexual abuse helpline every day at 0808 802 1414 and in an emergency dial 999. All these organisations are confidential and open to women and men.
