The beginning of another week. What next?
I am glad I happened on a programme called The Wall last night. I can’t say I’m a fan of Danny Dyer but I think last night he was very floored by the two contestants from Co. Antrim. He said he loved their accent and their joyful participation and I think if they hadn’t walked away with £89.385 I bet he would have been in tears – in fact he was a bit moist around the eyes when they did win. Two delightful young women sisters Nicola and Paula asked and answered questions and then big bright balls fell down a wall into pockets of money from one pound to over a thousand. Very basic and boring unless you have terrific people jumping for joy.
Two programmes well worth watching for both the story line and the acting – Des and Us.
When it comes to acting none better than David Tennant’s portrayal of the serial killer Denis Nilson who admitted to murdering at least 12 young boy and men between 1978 and 1983. It was fascinating to watch and chilling to know this is a true story and the twist in the tail left you breathless. Well worth catching on CatchUp although I imagine it will be shown again a few times.
The same thoughts for US, a series charting a crumbling marriage and how it impacts on the couple’s son Albi. Tom Hollander plays a boring precise husband all pins on paper and his wife played by Saskia Reeves who is tearing her hair out with frustration. She decides to leave him – shock horror. Perhaps their love of family could be rekindled by a tour of the Continent. The husband plans it to the nth degree, museums and art galleries no room for just exploring and it all get too much and Albie who takes off and disappears. This unites the parents in an attempt to find him and especially the Dad who travels from city to city chasing his son. I watched it on my iPad so I know the ending – what a twist in the last 60 seconds!
THE TERRORS OF POST NATAL DEPRESSION
Mary is not her real name not because she is afraid to speak out but because there are two little children to think of and her story effects them both.
She was only 25 when she gave birth to Aine and despite having a severe car crash the pregnancy went well and the birth straightforward. The family celebrated this new, fit and healthy baby. Mary loved motherhood and living near her mother and her grandmother there was plenty of help and it was a happy time.
Three years later she fell pregnant a second time, she and her partner were delighted, their family was growing and the thought of a baby brother or sister for Aine was perfect.
But perfect it wasn’t.
Although the pregnancy was without any drama and no issues with the birth what happened after that was terrible.
“Michael was born on a Monday and I was allowed home on the Wednesday. In that short time I got emotional but I put it down to missing Aine but it lasted for days. I tried to brush it under the carpet, I tried to love the baby and be happy but it wasn’t working. Aine just loved her brother, the family fussed over him, my partner was delighted with his little son but I had that horrible hollow feeling and I didn’t want to know him. To be honest, I just didn’t want him about me.”
I found this hard to understand because Mary is a sweet girl, thoughtful and caring. Never a bad word about anyone and what she was describing to me was very far from the woman I knew.
“I couldn’t admit this to anyone, society says get on with it so I kept pretending everything was all right but I knew it wasn’t and it got worse. I was angry with myself and with the baby but I didn’t understand why. I was never tempted to be violent I just didn’t want him around me and this threw up another emotion, I wasn’t fit to be a mother, every time he cried I thought he hated me so I left him, I ran out of the room.”
Jackal and Hyde
She admits that in her brain there were two distinct personalities warring with each other. She remembers asking the small bundle in the cot ‘where is your real mummy?’
“I began picking fights, jumping down everybody’s throat. When my sister called and offered to give the baby his bottle I verbally attacked her I shouted at her did she think I wasn’t capable to give my own chid his bottle? Even when she said she was just trying to help me I abused her calling her everything under the sun. That behaviour became the normal. My over ridding thought was that my two children deserved a better mother, I was useless and I should leave them and go away. The one thing I can say with certainty is I never felt like taking my own life, I wanted to end being an unsuccessful mother and that in my mind literally meant getting on a boat and sailing away only because I thought they’d be better off without me. Then I got paranoid that Michael was someone else’s baby and that they’d come and take him away and this is where my confused state of mind was playing tricks because I didn’t want that, the thought scared me yet another part of me hoped for him to be taken. My heart ached and I cried sore.”
Mary had never heard of post natal depression. Baby blues yes but surely that condition was temporary, what she was suffering went on from May until January.
Of course her family soon suspected there was something wrong. After a particularly upsetting incident she ended up inconsolable after shouting hurtful things to her mother, her mother’s response was to say that’s not my daughter this is not baby blues, something’s not right, but Mary just kept smiling a false smile but the mask had slipped and the family grew more concerned.
“I took it out on them all especially my partner, I know I was terrible to him, blaming him, accusing him of getting me into this position yet he remained supportive. But my little girl showed signs of stress. She said to me one day are you my mummy, are you his mummy? I knew she was aware that something bad was happening.”
PUTTING ON A BRAVE FACE
“I was pretending to be a happy young mother when all I wanted was to squeal help me, please help me.”
Help did come at her local GP surgery where she was fortunate to get a doctor who realised what she was going through and took time to talk but it wasn’t long before Mary made him promise he would never allow her children be taken away from her. And she was right. Today she is still on anti-depressants although a much reduced dose, she and her partner are happy parents of two beloved children.
“I didn’t understand hormone imbalance, I thought I was the worst person in the world and that I was the only one to go through this lack of maternal connection to my baby boy. I wish I’d had someone to talk to, another mother who would know what I was going through so I didn’t feel so alone or so guilty. I’m thankful to the doctor who took so much time with me and explained that I wasn’t going off my head and I had a very kind councillor as well but there’s not enough advertising about post natal depression, It should be one mother to another and that’s why I’m talking to you Anne, I would like to help anyone going through this and just say you’re not alone.”
More details at: www.info@aware-ni.org and www.haveyouseenthatgirl.com
As usual – wash your hands often, wear your mask and social distance yourself from others. It’s easy these days to get sanitisers so perhaps buy a couple of small containers, one for the car and one for your bag. It’s too important to ignore these simple things to overcome this horror of coronavirus. Keep safe and well.