More fun and games this week on the political front, Boris or Jeremy, who has it in for the other Jeremy and the girls football match, Wimbledon, ‘Yesterday’ the film featuring the Beatles music and Himesh Patel and Killing Eve coming to its conclusion. I had a sneak look at the final episodes and I hope that’s the end of it. It was just an excuse to think up as many ways of killing people as possible and wrapping it round with good acting and pretty venues.
And this morning pictures of Donald Trump visiting Kim Jong Un and making that ‘historic’ step over the line into North Korea. Taken on face value this is an important meeting but as one commentator cynically said perhaps it’s just a precursor to getting planning permission to build a Trump Tower in Pyongyang!
HOORAY FOR STORMZY
I watched this grime and rap artist at Glastonbury and I thought he was great, making political points in both his songs and visually, wearing a union jack stab vest, talking about Boris in derogatory terms and introducing black ballet dancers wearing black ballet shoes emphasising the fact that until now dancers had to darken down their pink shoes. I couldn’t understand all his raps but I know they were pretty powerful. It appears he takes his responsibilities seriously which can only be good as he’s a role model to any young people, especially black boys and girls. One thing struck me. On stage an entirely black company – in the audience an almost total sea of white faces. Strange.
LAST WEEK WAS A GOOD ONE
A delightful wedding in Cairncastle Ballygalley and the reception in Cairndu Golf Club looking out over the pure blue sea, a happy visit by my brother and his wife from Scotland and great weather for the Solstice party. Last Sunday morning we went on a family outing down to Mount Stewart and spent the morning walking round the beautiful gardens. What a superb place and we so enjoyed just relaxing amongst the roses. If life could be like that all the time wouldn’t it be just great.
IMPORTANT ADVICE: WITH THE BEAUTIFUL WEATHER AND SCHOOL HOLIDAYS COMING UP, FAMILIES ARE TAKING TO THE WATERWAYS AND THE SEA. THERE IS A CODE OF SAFETY AND IT’S VITAL PARENTS KNOW THIS AND MAKE SURE THEIR CHILDREN REALISE THE DANGERS. TAKE NOTE AND LISTEN TO THIS LIVE SAVING PIECE OF EQUIPMENT – PLEASE.
REMEMBER WHEN SOMEONE WOULD WHISPER: “I THINK IT MIGHT BE THE BIG C”.
Years ago cancer was something you didn’t talk about out loud, not that it was a shameful illness but it was deemed a disease that no one could do anything about. That whisper has been replaced with an out loud proclamation of early diagnosis and treatment often with a most successful end result.
And yet there is still a lexicon around this condition and Macmillan Cancer Support has produced new research about the language of cancer.
When people know you’ve been diagnosed they will try to be sympathetic but often it’s hurtful, annoying, even offence.
When it happened to me I’ll never forget a fellow patient saying joyfully, “Now you’ve joined the club.” That was hard to cope with. I was called a victim and later a survivor. I was told to rest when nowadays evidence points to keeping active to gently build up fitness. I was complimented for ‘fighting’ the disease. Fighting a cancer diagnoses is a doubtful phrase, after all we don’t ‘fight’ heart conditions, diabetes or arthritis.
At the same time, there is no point in feeling annoyed or sad, explain that a word or phrase isn’t what you want to hear, do it with a smile so not to hurt the person who is doing his or her best to be supportive and sympathetic.
I was sent diet sheets promising I’d be fit in no time and advice on herbal remedies, wisely my consultant told me not to follow any fad diets or so called cures, rather to enjoy everything in moderation, exercise and seek out the good things each day brings and attend appointments.
That was over 19 years ago and his advice has worked, so far so good although I still can’t watch or listen to programmes about cancer. Another piece of information has stayed with me ever since. Jean, the breast care nurse at the City Hospital assured me that no matter where I would get a pain after the operation I would immediately think it was cancer. “It won’t be,” she said, “so don’t allow yourself to go along that line of thinking. And if you’re worried, get it checked out.” The people who know about these things give experienced advice.
Best thing was lunching with a dear friend in Dublin who asked me: ‘How’s that pesky thing doing?’ He didn’t realise how important that question was, now I had a name for it – that pesky thing. Some people do name their cancer and find it easier to talk about it when it’s called Daphne or Dorothy.
Of course it’s a very frightening experience and I sometimes think it must be even worse for those closest to you, the patient is the centre of attention but family and friends are left waiting for news and not knowing what to say.
Heather Monteverde MBE is head of services for Macmillan in Northern Ireland and she encourages friends and family to talk with the person diagnosed rather than being embarrassed to broach the subject. More often than not this is appreciated.
“All we need to do is ask. Try not to make assumptions, make time to listen and try to understand. Cancer throws all sorts of things your way and dealing with other people’s misconceptions shouldn’t be one of them, so please try to encourage open, honest conversations, to find out what makes them feel most comfortable and ensure that they get the support they need.”
More than 63,000 people are living with cancer in NI today. By 2030, this will have reached over 100,000 but research continues to give more and more positive options. When I visited the QUB centre for Cancer Research and Cell Biology there where over 200 researchers, each with a different skill set, all dedicated to understanding and eventually beating cancer. One researcher was developing personalised treatment tailoring therapy to the patient rather than one therapy fits all. This is progress and the reason fund raising is so important.
When it comes to talking about cancer, it can be hard to know where to start and what to say. In over 30 years nursing and the first cancer nurse specialist in Northern Ireland, Heather has seen language change dramatically and she points out that treatments are improving, as is our understanding of cancer. So, it’s more important than ever to recognise that everyone’s experience and needs will be different too and they’ll need to be supported in a way that helps them find their best way through. “It highlights how ‘well-meaning’ euphemisms and simplistic assumptions are affecting many cancer patients in Northern Ireland, leaving them feeling disempowered and isolated. It shows that the negative language of ‘cancer stricken’ and ‘victim’ were as unpopular as some more positive descriptions such as ‘hero’”.
I think that the medical people we come onto contact with need to remember to keep their chat simple for people who are in a state – histology reports, metastasis, lymph nodes, remission are thrown into the conversation and there seems never time to ask ‘what does that mean’. So we must make sure everything is explained.
Macmillan services can provide much needed support all over Northern Ireland so go online to www.macmillian.org.uk and at the top of the page is ‘In your area’ for local details or call the support line on 0808 8080 0000 7 days a week, 8am – 8pm for practical and importantly, emotional support. And that’s for friends and family too.
Heather sums up: “Something I know only too well from my background in nursing is that often the most important thing to come from an honest conversation is a better understanding of the help and support, also that we need to take each day as it comes and live life as fully as we can.”
TEA IN THE BIG HOUSE
The lovely weather of last week inspired a lot of people to get out and walk or meet friends and have coffee – I did both and the morning coffee (for me tea) was with an old friend and we went to another big house and gardens, Malone House in Barnett Demesne at the top of the Malone Road. It’s a beautiful late Georgian mansion built in the 1800s for William Wallace Legge as his home. Can you imagine! Huge rooms, high ceilings, pillars and posts and a tremendous grounds with magnificent trees. No doubt plenty of ‘help’ to keep the place spic and span and a fleet of gardeners with push lawnmowers and shears! But for us it was sitting in this splendour and having tea, coffee and the most delicious apple and cinnamon scones and lemon drizzle cake. Recommended.
