SUNDAY BLOG: A Man of Influence, A Man of Letters and Help At Hand

paddy o'flaherty

A Dear Friend and A Craftsman To His Fingertips

 

paddy o'flaherty
Paddy O’Flaherty

I’m just back from holiday with news of friends and acquaintances having died. Actor Gordon Fulton who appeared in Game of Thrones, Give my Head Peace and many of Roma Tomelty’s Centre Stage productions, Ken Jamison late of the Arts Council and John Herlihy, a truly professional hotelier well known for his managing of the Portaferry Inn.

Gordon Fulton
Gordon Fulton

 

Closest to me was a fellow broadcaster and a man much loved by his friends and listeners to BBC Radio Ulster.  Paddy O’Flaherty was always part of my life when I joined the radio station light years ago, he was always a calming influence whether in the studio or meeting him in the lift or along the winding corridors.  Our paths crossed some years later when I was writing about his hobby, or one of them, and it was fascinating to see him in hairy sweater and goggles with wood shavings flying in every direction as he fashioned a banister spindle.  More often he’s manning a tape recorder and carrying a notebook and pen but his love of the lathe saw him being a founder member of the Ulster Chapter of the Irish Guild of Woodturners and a valued member of the Man’s Shed.  He was just putting the finishing touches to a present for his eight year old grandson, a model of R2D2 StarWars robot and the Man’s Shed men will be finishing it off for the young man.  He was a craftsman, a wordsmith, an artist – his painting of Hilden Mill in Lisburn featured on this year’s Men Sheds calendar.  He was a teacher too.  He taught young boys and girls violin taking classes at St. Gerard’s.  He was a man who commanded attention, patient and entertaining.

In more recent years  Sheelagh McCully, Paddy and yours truly would meet over lunch at Malone Golf Club as guest of Clem Shaw, an elderly gentleman with a love of butterflies and of Paddy. The craic was good with Paddy regaling us stories of people he’d interviewed down through the years, usually ending with a tall tale of his love of fishing.
I’m sad I  couldn’t go to his funeral and pay my respects but his son Roddy painted me a picture of St. Gerard’s filled with people shocked at his sudden death and remembering with admiration the man with the golden voice.
“Clem had been on the phone to arrange another lunch but I told him Dad wasn’t too good.” Sadly now those lunches won’t happen again. “He had a bond with people of all ages and although his death was sudden, we were thankful that he didn’t have to endure a long illness, he wouldn’t have wanted that.”
When his wife Brenda passed away 13 years ago, Paddy played a beautiful rendition of An Coulin on his violin, he was played out of St. Gerard’s to his own recording of that piece.  It must have been difficult for his family, for his close and dear friend Lourdes and his colleagues and friends who stood in respect for a special man.
According to Roddy, even when he went into hospital, he said: “I am a private man and when I die I’ll die a private man.” But without doubt a man well loved, and a man of many parts but always the true and kind professional. Rest in Peace Paddy.

Penmanship Born By The Bann

 

Leo Convery
Leo Convery by the River Bann

 

“I take pen in hand to write the things that are in my mind, But where does one start when one is a bad speller and writer. Just start. As did the tears from years of built-up frustration, of being afraid what people might say and think about me and what I wrote. Then my father’s saying came busting out. A man who could not read or write, but a very deep thinker, a few words from him, could change your way of doing things or thinking,”
Sitting in the Wild Duck in Portglenone, these were the words of 77 year old Leo Convery a market gardner and one of the Portglenone Writers’ Group who will all be picking up their pens now that summer’s over and it’s back to work.
Their first book, Starting Out, is a collection of stories and poems by a dozen writers, each with their own interests so they bring a rainbow of interest to the pages.
Leo told me his personal story, one which should encourage others to write down their experiences.
His 70th birthday was in June 2009.
‘I see in The Irish News that Paul Clements takes people on creative writing weekends to the Burren in Co Clare,” said his wife Margaret. “You should go. After all, you’re interested in all the flora, alpines, fauna, and the landscape, and you say that it’s one of the best places to see alpines grow in Europe. Why not phone him and find if there is a place free. If you like it I will pay. It will be my birthday present to you.”
He made the call and a friendship was made and initially, over the phone, encouragement given.
It all came to fruition on Sunday 21st June 2009, a day he says he will never forget.
“I came in from 9am mass, I took off my good clothes and changed into casual ones. The wife started to make a fry as is her Sunday routine. I got out a new A4 writing pad with 300 pages. Then I started to search for a pen, but something in my mind said, not any old pen, one that you will be content with.”
‘What are you looking for? she asked.
‘A pen. I’m going to start to write.’
‘Take an old one,’ she said. ‘You only scribble and don’t destroy that good one.”
“But love, this will not hold what is in my mind and it has to come out”.
He walked out into the garden sun house, sat down on the old couch, and at the top of the page wrote the date 21.6.200 – the longest day – and his name. Then reality hit home.
“I sat there and thought for a few minutes wondering what I was going to write about. Then it busted in my head like a volcano starting to erupt. At first a few words, like – To-day as the sun crosses the line – seven days after my 70th birthday.
“I run my own retail nursery, growing plants for sale, so I meet lots of different people in my work, I could cover a wide range of subjects, and go a way back before my father’s day, and tell lots of stories of days long-ago. People often said, ‘Why don’t you write a book on what you know. There are plenty of people interested in that type of subject.’ but I just thought, you don’t know me. I can’t write and I can’t spell. I just scribble and sometimes I cannot make out my own writing; then I realised you don’t need to be good at English and punctuation to write a book. It’s the story that matters, I knew from that minute, I was going to write, and if help is needed I will get it. It would be written in my voice.”

Left to right: Back Row: Leo Convery, Pat McErlean, Stephanie Smith, Iv Carlton, Damien Clarke. Front Row: Anne McCusker, Elizabeth Flynn, Betty Hueston, Una Porter, Rosie O’Neill, Clare McKay.

Back Row: Leo Convery, Pat McErlean, Stephanie Smith, Iv Carlton, Damien Clarke.
Front Row: Anne McCusker, Elizabeth Flynn, Betty Hueston, Una Porter, Rosie O’Neill, Clare McKay.

That’s the beauty of this book, such personal reminiscences. Una Porter tells of a woman who loses a child and her husband moves on, Rosie O’Neill writes of her nightmare day which just goes from bad to worse. There’s an invitation from an empty house with character ‘I may be 90 plus ….. don’t forget to visit me soon.’ Obviously Rose Cunningham knows and loves the cottage she writes about.
Pat McErlean goes for poetry, Hope, Silence and the third, Kindness, Jo Anne Kennedy’s poems reflect Darkness and The Rescue. Elizabeth Flynn uncovers the secret life of Miss Maud Jones whilst Mary Waldron’s creation, Eoise searches for Mr. Right. Margaret Torren’s The Journey takes us to Sri Lanka and I cringed at Berry Hueston’s visit to the dentist, told in The Tooth Fairy whilst the ‘ink well eyes’ in Clare McKay’s Company of Seals conjure a trip to Rue Point. Damien Clarke brings the book to a close with The Walk, a thoughtful discussion between two old friends and a dog. And somewhere in the middle is Leo Convery’s contributions and they are a delight, stories of his growing up on the banks of the River Bann and all told in his own words.

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Out of the mouths of babes. All is not lost.

Moderation In All Things

The much heralded MTV music concert in Derry this summer resulted in near hysteria, with dozens of young people being treated in hospital for an over indulgence in alcohol and drugs, some apparently as young at 12 or 13 despite the promise that bars at the event would operate  a ‘Challenge 25’ policy and that anyone looking under the age of 25 would be asked to provide photo ID with proof that they were over 18.   Security patrols also operated around the venue but still there were big problems.
But will young people and organisers learn from the experience? Is there a pattern emerging?

mtv
Recently MPJeremy Corbyn criticised companies whose work ethic encourages ‘early evening socialisation’ by staff and this was echoed by a young man I talked to recently, not concerning himself but his partner.
“It was just a social thing at first, a few drinks after work before driving home, dangerous but, she said, ‘I only had a couple.’”
Dangerous in so many ways. The impact on safety, on family and on the person herself, physically, mentally and emotionally – and her partner.
Similar story for Joan – not her real name.
“We used to sit watching television when the kids had gone to bed, then he had a glass of wine instead of a cup of tea in the evening. Soon he was coming home late and smelling of drink. I asked but I was told not to be silly, he’d just gone with the boys for a quick one after work. I began to get scared.”
Typical stories be it a man, woman or child discovering the painful fact that someone they care about is an alcoholic and that’s where the organisation Al-Anon comes into the picture to offer help in a practical way.
It’s a bit of a mystery to me why some people can tolerate alcohol and some people can’t. Is it an addiction or an allergy? is it to cover low self esteem?Whatever, it’s a fearful situation for those who love them but do they know help is at hand? Sound knowledgable support at the end of a telephone.
Al-Anon is an organisation run by volunteers with one thing in common, they have personal experience dealing with an alcoholic they care about. When someone else’s drinking effects your life, love can turn to hate, bring you to the depths of despair, affect you financially, lead to violence, make you doubt your own sanity until you think that you are the problem and so guilt sets in.
Joan told me that although she knew her husband was drinking, she ignored it, didn’t discuss it, then eventually asked him to ease up but he continued to deny he had a problem. “It was effecting our family life yet I decided not to tell the children although I realised later that they knew all the time. He became a secret drinker, he’d get up early in the morning and get a drink and it went on all day at work, he knew I checked on him but there was nothing I could do. I challenged him and he laughed, told me to mind my own business and it ended in row after row. I’d beg him not to go out in the evening, I even ran up the road after him but he just shrugged me off and walked on.”
There are many examples. The elderly lady suspicious when the level in the whiskey bottle remained the same despite him having a little dram now and again then. She discovered he was topping up the bottle with ginger ale but had other supplies stashed away. He would go out for cigarettes and take the grandchild but was actually going to the off licence or taking a dash into a bar regardless of the child’s safety.
Of course, it’s not only men. Because more young women are working now, with lunchtime meetings and gathering in bars after work, they are drinking more than ever and bringing the habit home with disastrous results. Where once a woman would have sipped a Babysham, now it’s wine and spirits.
Teenagers are spending long hours in clubs where there is no restriction on what they drink. Whereas in a pub if a customer gets really drunk the barman will stop serving and send them home, in these clubs children can drink themselves into oblivion, shots at under £1 sound attractive but do untold damage. It strikes me this ready availability of alcohol is criminal, I wish it was criminal. Having seen these children wandering around Belfast, some with bare feet and no coats because their possession are being held in the club after they have been ejected for being drunk. Something’s wrong and it’s breeding another generation of alcoholics and parents are often helpless to do anything.
On the other hand, it’s sad that young people are calling Al-Anon to get advice about their parents drinking habits. There is even a helpline for those concerned with teenager drinkers.
Alcohol is still the biggest drug but other drugs go hand in hand with alcohol so we have a serious situation.
How will Al-Anon help?
Ring a local number and get a local person. Staff and volunteers have one thing in common, they know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. It’s a confidential listening service, usually the caller just wants to unload their worries and fears, describing their lives with a partner, a family member or a friend who has an addiction to alcohol, however Al-Anon focuses on the caller themselves, helping them learn how to live with the problem and make decisions. A volunteer will listen, talk through the 12 step programme and recommend a local meeting place where there is support by sharing with members and confiding in a ‘sponsor’, a person who knows the ropes, nothing will surprise them so, given the courage, the new member can be totally honest without feeling a guilt for letting their loved one down. There are 58 regular meetings across Northern Ireland also meetings in RoI. The local information centre offers 24 hour phone contact.
Al-Anon and Alateen Helpline is 028 9068 2368. Details at Al-Anon Information Centre Northern Ireland.

depression

Back Again

Dr. John Sarno
Dr. John Sarno

Dear Anne,
I saw your recent article in the Irish News on the work of Dr John Sarno and back pain. I was delighted when I saw this topic covered in Irish media, it is a topic close to my heart as I suffered with pain for years. I know a lot about TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome) and have put theory into practice.
(Note from me: TMS in layman’s language is applying mind over matter)
What would make an interesting article would be a review of the book The Great Pain Deception by Steven Ray Ozanich. This book cured me from years of pain, I was unable to walk and was very depressed. In my case it was knee pain, TMS is far more than back pain! I am close friends with the author as I made contact with him a few years back in desperation as I searched for a cure! We consulted back and forth and his help and support was invaluable to me. Louise
This book is available on Amazon.

mirror

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that

it is such a nice change from being young.

        Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Have a Good Week, enjoy the colours of Autumn.

 

 

 

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